Imagine that you are driving a 2001 model 1,100cc Fiat Punto which has exceptional brakes, and you set off on a road trip with the destination of reaching your favourite country abroad. Imagine also doing the same trip in a Ferrari, which has vastly more horsepower than the little Fiat, but no brakes at all. In which of the two scenarios would you travel faster; In which of the two scenarios would you be safer; If you find it hard to answer, next time you drive your car for a few minutes, pretend it has no brakes. For a few moments, feel what it's like to be able to accelerate whenever you want, but unable to stop.
Very often I meet people whose lives have trained them to keep their foot on the gas without having control of the brake. Growing up in a family that showers them with its own and society's expectations, it is inevitable to develop an “accelerator-only” mindset. I observe people who are particularly emotionally neglected, struggling perhaps to meet the expectations of others while forgetting their own desires. They experience life like an endless marathon where the medal is merely a promise and never a real success. After all, how can anyone feel successful when fulfilling the expectations of others and moreover with their foot glued to the accelerator, having no time to check if they have run out of petrol or to enjoy the journey and the scenery unfolding before their eyes?;
I had the pleasure of serving as a co-traveller – as a therapist – alongside Eleftheria (the description has been modified to ensure confidentiality) who, with her foot glued to the accelerator, was racing to satisfy the emotional and practical needs of her parents even though she had been in her own relationship for years and was preparing to start her own family. Dedicated to the family business, in a subject matter outside her interests, she struggled to fill her emotional void with the false promise of magical acceptance and boundless love for how good a child she had become. For years, and with her foot glued to the gas pedal, Eleftheria had cut off contact with all of her proper functioning sensors. She was out of touch with whether the engine needed a service, whether it needed fuel, or whether she needed to change some aspect of how she operated. That was when the engine seized and the car stopped. The autoimmune was the body's cry to tell her about all those things it had not learned to listen to for so many years. She was one of the clients with whom I was able to connect in a way that was beneficial for our therapeutic relationship. During her therapeutic journey I often wondered, as I looked at my own parts, whether I too forgot to hit my own brake and how important it was for her that I was in touch with my brake, both for my own good and for hers. It is very common for clients to come to the office who possess incredible capabilities and wonderful talents that could offer them a happy and successful life, yet conscious obstacles deprive them of the joy of self-actualisation.
Imagine it is like being a Ferrari, having beauty, power, explosiveness when you want it, brilliance, safety and a whole load of resources which you do not enjoy simply because no-one ever taught you how to hit the brakes. In life, it is impossible to only have straight roads. How will you take the bends? How will you stop so as not to shatter into pieces when an obstacle looms ahead of you?;
The most frequent question I hear is: “how will I change it?” and my most frequent answer, connecting with my reassuring quality: “slowly, slowly”… An answer that many of us did not hear in our childhood, back when we needed it, back when we needed to be nourished by it and distribute it to every cell of our being. How can anyone repair the brakes, after all, if they don't even know that the problem is there?; How can they repair the brakes if they think what they need to do is upgrade the engine and gain horsepower?;
When Eleftheria began to realise that what she needs is not to learn to do more things but to learn to do fewer she began to be struck by how the solution had been right before her eyes for years yet she hadn't seen it.
After all, Aesop tells us this simply and wisely through his fable of the hare and the tortoise. Although the tortoise is slower than the hare, her victory was secured by the consistency she demonstrated, she did not leave a single second unutilised, she took slower steps but she took them continuously.
Is it however easy to reassure yourself and ask yourself to slow down so that you are both healthy, emotionally flourishing and at the same time achieving your goals and dreams?;
Usually it is not easy; very deep-seated patterns that have permeated the core of our existence regulate the emotional “gear” at which we operate. Operating the psyche at such high emotional intensities while experiencing continuous anxiety for its existence obscures the pure, calm, peaceful, untraumatised core self – that deeper part of ourselves which experiences the joy of existence within nothingness. Αναφέρομαι στο δικό σου βαθύτερο κομμάτι, αυτό που συναντάς κάποιες στιγμές όταν σβήνουν τα φώτα της πόλης, παύει ο νοητικός θόρυβος και η συναισθηματική ένταση και μπορείς έστω και για λίγα δευτερόλεπτα να νιώσεις πώς είναι απλά να υπάρχεις. Αναφέρομαι σε εκείνη τη στιγμή πού αποσυνδεδεμένος από την βαβούρα την εξωτερική και την εσωτερική μπορείς να συνδεθείς με αυτό το βαθύτερο ατραυμάτιστο κομμάτι σου. Αν δεν το έχεις νιώσει ή αν δεν έχεις συνειδητοποιήσει ότι το έχεις νιώσει (πολύ πιο πιθανό…) τότε έχω να σου πω με βεβαιότητα πως υπάρχει. Ο ψυχισμός μας είναι σαν το κρεμμύδι όσο βγάζουμε τις φλούδες και προχωράμε προς το κέντρο του τόσο πιο καθαρό κομμάτι βρίσκουμε. Όπως και στο κρεμμύδι ο βαθύτερος ατραυμάτιστος εαυτός σου βρίσκεται κάτω από στιβάδες αναμνήσεων, σκέψεων, συναισθημάτων, τραυμάτων τα οποία όσο τα ξεφλουδίζεις τόσο πιο κοντά έρχεσαι σε αυτόν.
Έτσι λοιπόν και η ηρωίδα μας η Ελευθερία ξεφλούδισε τόσο πολύ τα τραύματα της που έφτασε στο μηδέν. Έφτασε στο τίποτα. Ένα τίποτα στο οποίο επικρατεί η πιο πλούσια ησυχία. Στο τίποτα αυτό βίωσε την πιο σημαντική χαρά: την χαρά της ύπαρξης! Από αυτό το κενό έβαλε ξανά με νέες λειτουργίες τη μηχανή μπροστά.
Ξέρεις, δεν λειτουργούν καλύτερα μόνο οι ηλεκτρονικοί υπολογιστές και τα κινητά όταν καθαρίζουμε σκληρούς δίσκους και κάνουμε επανεκκίνηση – έτσι λειτουργεί και ο ψυχισμός σου. Πιστεύω πως, όταν μέσα στα χρόνια, κάποιος καθαρίσει το σκληρό του δίσκο και φτάσει στο μηδέν, τότε έχει το δικαίωμα να σπάσει τα φρένα του ο ίδιος (!) ορίζοντας δηλαδή τη ζωή του με τους δικούς του όρους και με το πόδι στο γκάζι να τρέξει σε μία πορεία, όσο αυτό είναι εφικτό, αποκλειστικά προς τα δικά του όνειρα.
Αυτή την ιδέα μπορείς να την επεξεργαστείς και να τη χορέψεις μέσα από αυτό το τραγούδι, το περιγράφει εξαιρετικά:
Θέλω να σε ρωτήσω: βάζεις φρένο στην φασαρία του νου; βάζεις φρένο στις προσδοκίες των άλλων; και τελικά πατάς το γκάζι για τα δικά σου όνειρα;