{"id":1177,"date":"2023-11-14T12:32:29","date_gmt":"2023-11-14T12:32:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/reconnecttherapy.gr\/?p=1177"},"modified":"2026-10-05T08:37:37","modified_gmt":"2026-10-05T08:37:37","slug":"eftychismena-paidia-eftychismenoi-goneis-i-to-antistrofo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/reconnecttherapy.gr\/en\/eftychismena-paidia-eftychismenoi-goneis-i-to-antistrofo\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy children = happy parents! Or is it the other way around?;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"has-medium-font-size wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Happiness is a fragile and precious state that we all seek in our lives.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>We expect to encounter happiness<\/em><\/strong> through personal development, achievements, close relationships, and even through morning coffee catch-ups. But how often do we wonder about the impact our happiness has on our children?; <strong><em>As parents, we are the primary providers of this experience for our children<\/em><\/strong>, bringing profound meaning to the way they experience the world around them. <strong><em>Scientific research reveals a close connection between parents' happiness and children's happiness<\/em><\/strong>, but it is a topic worth exploring more deeply. On this journey, we will discover the truth behind <strong>\u201chappy children, happy parents\u201d<\/strong> and how we can build a path towards shared happiness, relying on science and experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Did you know that:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong><em>Only 40% of parents report feeling happy with the balance between work and family responsibilities.<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Source: \u201cThe New American Family: Working and Staying Together\u201d by the Pew Research Center (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/\">www.pewresearch.org<\/a>)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong><em>Children who recognized support from their parents during difficult times have 40% higher levels of happiness and self-confidence.<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Source: \u201cThe Power of Parental Support for Child Well-being\u201d by Child Trends (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.childtrends.org\/\">www.childtrends.org<\/a>)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In psychotherapy and the science of psychology, the phenomena we study are quite volatile, multi-factorial, and we usually identify trends in order to apply the data that research offers us. Nevertheless, empirically and through research,<strong><em> the relationship of parents' happiness is proportional to the happiness experienced by the children.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Very often, parents who come to my office ask me what their child needs in order to be happy, calm, and to progress in life. My stance on this question is that <strong><em>your children need to feel that you are okay.<\/em><\/strong> It is now clear to me when a parent sacrifices themselves for their child and thus gives meaning to their own life through the child's life. <strong><em>Unfortunately, many unconsciously suppressed needs and emotions that are unexpressed and therefore difficult to manage become a burden on the shoulders of children, who take it upon themselves to carry this burden alongside their parents.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I will try to describe the mechanism behind this in a simple, understandable and concise way.<strong> <em>All of us, as children, need to feel secure within the parental relationship.<\/em><\/strong> This fundamental security is the sole prerequisite for a child's further psycho-emotional development. <strong><em>We can view the parental embrace as a safe \u201charbour\u201d whose waters are unaffected even by the worst storm.<\/em><\/strong> Being within this \u201charbour\u201d, the infant begins to learn how to swim and gradually, as it develops, dares to venture outside of it. You will have noticed children who have just started crawling turning their heads back when they move away from their parents to make sure their secure base is still there, and then continuing to move away with a sense of security. This happens to varying degrees and intensities throughout our lives. It is extremely important for a person to have this deep sense of security within them so that they can venture out into deeper waters. <strong><em>The true raising of a child lies in this effective in-and-out movement from the safe harbour of parental care.<\/em><\/strong> However, when I see parents right before my eyes whose harbour was not there when they needed it as children - meaning the storms raging outside the harbour invaded the harbour itself - then I think I am looking at an uncared-for person. How can I answer their question, which they bring to our session with such eagerness? (\u201cwhat does my child need to be happy?\u201d). I understand that their child needs something which they themselves do not have to give. Therefore, the answer - which is also the starting point for the psychotherapy of happy parents - is that your child needs you to be well. <strong><em>Because, if there is a tempest inside the harbour while you, as a parent, are struggling to keep your head above water, then how can you expect your child to be calm, happy, and dream about what they might encounter outside the harbour when they have to lend you a helping hand so you don't drown?;<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Generally speaking, when a parent burdened with their own unresolved emotional baggage struggles to find meaning in their life beyond their parental role, we observe that the parent's lost sense of purpose becomes a heavy burden on their child's shoulders. <strong><em>If you hear some parents or yourself saying (with pride, with a beaming face) something like:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cMy whole life is about my children.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cI make sacrifices for my children.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cIf anything happens to my child, I'll go crazy.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Then consider how that child must feel, knowing to some extent consciously but mostly unconsciously that their own life decisions could drive their parent mad.<\/em><\/strong> Consider how that child must feel, receiving the parent's self-sacrificing care as if it were saying: I will look after you even if I have to sacrifice a piece of my own flesh. My dear friends, this is not care; it is guilt-ridden care. <strong><em>Thus, children as tomorrow's adults learn to receive love from those around them through the pressure of guilt, and when this is very intense, they avoid asking for and connecting with reciprocity in their relationships.<\/em><\/strong> They are those children who, like adults in every interaction, constantly apologise, and when you offer them something, they are most likely to say no, I don't want it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I notice the same thing in <strong>couples therapy<\/strong> where parents come who are so intensely focused on their children and how to care for them that this excessive care tends to become a neglect of their own needs. <strong><em>The children are at the top of the priority list, while the romantic relationship is at the bottom.<\/em><\/strong> In the land of the traditional Greek mother who raises her children through self-sacrifice without knowing how to care for her own emotional, romantic, relational, sexual and personal developmental needs, it sounds like I am speaking a foreign language when I utter the phrase: \u201cin order to be able to care for your child, you must first learn to care for yourself\u201d. <strong><em>There are times when I understand that parents were never taught how to be parents, and I too feel their anxiety as their symbolic parent for as long as they choose. <\/em><\/strong>Under no circumstances is my intention either to blame or to justify, but rather, through the path of understanding, to stand beside them and together continue the work of their emotional development which at some point in the past was put on hold by circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>It is futile for an adult to base the meaning of their life and derive joy from other people, let alone from their own children.<\/strong> No one can make us happy until we have managed to know ourselves well enough to construct meaning that brings us joy, and naturally, for this joy to be multiplied through our relationship with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>After a while, the results are deeply moving because one realises that when they become a parent to themselves, they can also become a parent to their child. And then, once they have managed to give meaning to their own life rather than exclusively through the role of the parent \u2013 and this meaning brings them happiness \u2013 the happiness of the children comes along to make it even greater!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n    <div class=\"xs_social_share_widget xs_share_url after_content \t\tmain_content  wslu-style-1 wslu-share-box-shaped wslu-fill-colored wslu-none wslu-share-horizontal wslu-theme-font-no wslu-main_content\">\n\n\t\t\n        <ul>\n\t\t\t        <\/ul>\n    <\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Happiness is a fragile and precious state that we all seek in our lives. We expect to encounter happiness through personal growth, achievements, close relationships, and even through the company of coffee with<span class=\"more-dots\">\u2026<\/span> <span class=\"more-tag\"><a class=\"more-link btn btn-maincolor\" href=\"https:\/\/reconnecttherapy.gr\/en\/eftychismena-paidia-eftychismenoi-goneis-i-to-antistrofo\/\">Read More<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> \"Happy children = happy parents! Or vice versa?\"<\/span><\/a><\/span><!-- .more-tag --><\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1178,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[124,125,126,77,122,119,65,120],"class_list":["post-1177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-syndeomai-connect","tag-goneis-2","tag-eftychia","tag-zevgari","tag-therapeia","tag-scheseis","tag-psychanalysi-2","tag-psychotherapeia-2","tag-psychologia-2"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\u0395\u03c5\u03c4\u03c5\u03c7\u03b9\u03c3\u03bc\u03ad\u03bd\u03b1 \u03c0\u03b1\u03b9\u03b4\u03b9\u03ac = \u03b5\u03c5\u03c4\u03c5\u03c7\u03b9\u03c3\u03bc\u03ad\u03bd\u03bf\u03b9 \u03b3\u03bf\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03c2! \u0389 \u03c4\u03bf \u03b1\u03bd\u03c4\u03af\u03c3\u03c4\u03c1\u03bf\u03c6\u03bf; - Reconnect Therapy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/reconnecttherapy.gr\/en\/eftychismena-paidia-eftychismenoi-goneis-i-to-antistrofo\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u0395\u03c5\u03c4\u03c5\u03c7\u03b9\u03c3\u03bc\u03ad\u03bd\u03b1 \u03c0\u03b1\u03b9\u03b4\u03b9\u03ac = \u03b5\u03c5\u03c4\u03c5\u03c7\u03b9\u03c3\u03bc\u03ad\u03bd\u03bf\u03b9 \u03b3\u03bf\u03bd\u03b5\u03af\u03c2! 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